He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
