we're blogging at a bar
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
