shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
