She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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