It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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