i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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