youre lurking in front of me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
