yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
