when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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