Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
BRING THE BAGELS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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