we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize