so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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