you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I intend to get homeless drunk
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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