Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
