Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
