No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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