it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
