a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
