I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
