can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
