Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
