Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When are your genitals available?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
