she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
