Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
