At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the condom got lost in my hair
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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