This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
