i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
