I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
