I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
