Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
