God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
