Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
