1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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