i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
