Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
