Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
