like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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