I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
