I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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