remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
