and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
