Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
wow bdsm is so cute
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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