Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
