I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
