just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
should my penis look like a turkey
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
