I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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