That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
