well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot†doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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