I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
