pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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