I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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