Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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