you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
