The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
