I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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