This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
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I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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