Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she told me i tasted like america
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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