also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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