he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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