I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize