i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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